HOLY MOSES, you guys. let’s dispatch with the easy stuff first…
kelly taylor picked up her dog from daycare.
donna martin had a hard time renting a DVD from redbox on NYE.
though she was goodnatured about it:
i feel like the daily mail showed some real restraint when it refrained from a headline screaming: TORI IN MELTDOWN RENTS DVDS TO WATCH ALONE. just saying.
what else??
oh yeah. ahhhhhhhhhndrea.
the DM CSIs the shit out of this photo:
in an effort to explicate this “random grouping” and determine whether rachel green and ahhhhhhhhhndrea have been BFFs all this time. alas the evidence proves inconclusive: “It’s unclear if Aniston and Carteris are friends but the 90210 star could be seen clapping along as Aniston’s name was read and sat just across from the former Friends star with her gold patterned shawl draped around her shoulders.”
though some serious pains are taken to make sure we remember ahhhhhhhndrea was “uptight.”
which brings us to brenda…
who is on a media tour promoting some reality thing she’s got with holly marie combs, during which they posed with steve:
and during which she took questions on 90210, at one point, claiming brandon (ie. jason priestly) has memory problems stemming from his 2002 auto accident- a claim made in the context of her saying his memoir wasn’t entirely true.
the thing is, brenda just didn’t remember complaining about planes and limos like he claimed in his memoir that she did.
‘Supposedly I wanted a limo, and I’ve always hated limos my entire life,’ she explained.
‘I find them embarrassing and grotesque. I mean, there are things that would in no way happen. Like I didn’t even go on that jet at that point in time. It’s like, “Wait, wait, wait! You totally confused me with somebody else maybe from the show?!”‘
so this created a brouhaha which led to brenda and HMC saying they felt “bamboozled” and misunderstood because this wasn’t a “diss” against brandon.
if you’re all like, OMG BRENDA AND BRANDON ARE FIGHTING!!!!! fear not. they aren’t. he called her. they made up. she told the reporter, “he just said he loves me.”
<3
OH BUT WAIT. there’s more.
so there’s backstory here. imma leave you alone with that to fend for yourself and suss it out. google daily mail and tori spelling and you’ll go far in the way of required reading, but suffice to say, donna martin has a reality show about her marriage which is pretty much the reality tv equivalent of a colonoscopy.
please know that i say that as someone who- thanks to so notorious- believes tori spelling has the power to be one of the great comedic actresses of our time. so i’m not knocking donna martin’s talents, i’m questioning her choices in doing a reality TV show that is this invasive.
brenda apparently watches it. and it makes her uncomfortable.
doesn’t that header photo make us ALL uncomfortable?? way to be subtle daily mail.
but more than her confession of discomfort, i’m intrigued that she watches it at all. and that she admits to watching it on national TV. what must it be like to find out about your friend’s imperiled marriage by watching it unfold weekly on television? uncomfortable and heart-breaking, obviously, but surreal too, non? and deeply strange.
but this is the world these people have lived in for years. they are TV characters to such a degree that i have here, almost exclusively referred to them by their TV character names. so perhaps it’s normalized, the idea of finding out about your friend’s life on his/her reality show or in his/her memoir, just as you or i check facebook and see what your friends just had to eat. maybe a memoir isn’t so strange when you already have a doll.
while we’re here in the 90s… surely, by now you’ve seen this:
which brings us to a cultural moment where it is like screech never happened. probably in large part because of this and this:
of all the times to have a “clown girlfriend”…
Filed under: "women", 90210
